Week 8 came faster than the time Eric boned his boss at Cobby’s, so lets get started with the week 8 awards.

Juggernaut

King Can – 162.4 points

Big dick King Can was 0.7 points away from breaking the single week scoring record that was broken LAST week by GodHatesJags. What’s even more impressive for the current champion is that he’s scored over 100 points in all but one game this season. Riding on the high scoring offense of Mahomes, Gurley and Hopkins… it’s a miracle that King Can has even lost 3 games this year. Huge award win for King Can’s first Juggernaut of the season.

Shit Kicking

King Can – 162.5 – 98.5 over Chalupa Batman

Some years just ain’t your year (I’m looking at you Chalupa Batman). Chalupa Batman was on the wrong end of another shit kicking which saw King Can go off in nearly every position. Gotham’s finest dropped to last in Zerg while King Can moved up 2 positions in Protoss and #2 overall in the league.

Butt Pucker

Cherno Alpha – 112.7 – 110.6 over GodHatesJags

Grab the hemorrhoid cream because GodHatesJags is apparently mortal. All you need is a fuck ton of points to beat him… Who would have thought? In a must win for Cherno Alpha, he did the league a favor by putting order to the Thielen madness and taking down the league favorite. Get some cream on that butt hole Jags.

Blue Balls

GodHatesJags – 63.2  points

Jags followed up his 55 point Blue Balls award from last week with a nut crushing 63 point award in week 8. Maybe Jags likes the blue balls? Maybe his bench is just that fucking good? Or maybe he’s just losing his sex appeal.

 

Good luck in week 9 gents.