Well. Fuck. That went quick. The regular season is now in the rear view mirror and the playoffs are merely a mirage of future happiness. Congratulations to the teams who made the playoffs and better luck next year to those who… didn’t.
Now that we know who’s going to the big show, let’s take a look at this years Deuce Cup playoff Power Rankings™
6. Cardi Lee
Woof. Lee lost two of his best players in the last week – it turns out Kareem Hunt is a piece of shit and Emmanuel Sanders’ no longer has an Achilles attached to his leg. Those losses, combined with the third lowest Points For among playoff teams at 1329.6, earns Lee last place in the Power Rankings.
5. Chalupa Batman
As the only team to make the playoffs with a losing record, Chalupa Batman could easily be the bottom of the totem pole here. Ross may be better than his record shows, however – Ross faced the second toughest regular season schedule in the league and has won two in a row. Ross also won last week’s matchup against Barenaked Cladys – if he gets past Kyle again, all bets are off.
4. Cherno Alpha
Cherno Alpha is so hot right now. Once left for dead in the Chili’s parking lot, he ripped off four in a row to secure a playoff bid. Of playoff teams, he’s got the third most Points For at 1366.5, and faces an advantageous first round matchup against a wounded Cardi Lee team.
3. Dad Therapy
At 8-5, Ryan is tied with two other teams for the second best record in the league. He has, however, the worst Points For of all teams in the playoffs at 1274 and has faced the second easiest regular season schedule of all teams in the playoffs.
He did enough down the stretch to earn a first round bye, though, and that gets him to #3 in the Power Rankings.
2. Barenaked Cladys
Kyle has the second highest Points For in the league at 1375.4. His roster of Ezekiel Elliot, Alvin Kamara, Amari Cooper, and JuJu Smith-Schuster can beat anybody in any given week. What’s more, Lee’s loss coming into the playoffs is Kyle’s gain as Kyle’s Spencer Ware stands to take the place of Kareem Hunt.
1. GodHatesJags
Tolmie is the undisputed favorite heading into the playoffs. He’s got the best record in the league at 9-4 and he’s scored more points than anyone else in the league at 1415.8. He has, however, also faced the easiest schedule in the league BY FAR. Teams put up only 1112.5 points against Tolmie all year, the fewest points in the league by over 80. With 3 players (Tyreek Hill, Adam Thielen, and Zach Ertz) accounting for over 40% of his entire point total, he’ll hope these over achievers continue to perform come second week of the playoffs.
Let’s get started with the final awards of the season…
Juggernaut
King Can – 123.1 points
The reigning Deuce Cup champion was a week late to this Juggernaut dance party – missing out on the playoffs by a single game. The only consolation here is that King Can successfully destroyed his brotherly rival (twice) and took home his second Juggernaut award of the season. King Can managed to score the 4th most points in the league, but in the end, he lost some tough games and will be forced to give up the Jacket.
Shit Kicking
King Can – 123.1 – 71.3 over Bye Week
Is there a better feeling than executing a perfect round house kick to the face to a younger brother? Nope.
Butt Pucker
Idaho Bridge Nutless – 76 – 64.1 over Team Toy
Idaho Bridge Nutless needed a win. Actually, he really just needed some points. Actually, he needed pretty much ANYTHING to get into the playoffs. Unfortunately for this deuce dropping doggo, Chalupa Batman got the win and Idaho Bridge Nutless low balled himself to a butt-pucker award and the Chilis parking lot. Meanwhile, Chalupa Batman mud slid into the playoffs like…
Blue Balls
King Can – 51.1 points
While these Blue Balls won’t sting because of a loss, they’ll be tender over the course of the off season while King Can tries to figure out what the hell happened in 2018.
Good luck in week 14 gents.